The Post-Traumatic Self

Steps toward a Life beyond Trauma

A 1980s study of prisoners of war in World War II showed that 40 years later 67 percent of them still had post-traumatic stress disorder.  PTSD remains one of the most intractable problems in psychology, defying talk therapy and medication, and many of us were disappointed that on August 11th an especially promising treatment – therapy with MDMA – was declared by the U.S. FDA to have no clinical value.

Clinically speaking, traumas (experienced by 55 percent of us) include traumatic bereavement – the death of a parent when we are young, the death of a child at any age – abuse, physical or sexual assault, torture, combat and other violence, being held hostage, and severe neglect.  It can include witnessing violence up close or even via television.  9/11 was a collective trauma.

The best book I’ve ever read on trauma is The Post-Traumatic Self: Restoring Meaning and Wholeness to Personality.  This 2006 text was edited by John P. Wilson and written by Wilson and seven other professionals working in the field of trauma treatment.

To jump forward to the solution, Wilson et. al. say that the key is a higher awareness – transcendent, intuitive awareness with reprioritized values and a transformed sense of meaning -- including awareness of the numinous, awareness of the possible unity of the self, and awareness of creative potentialities within and beyond the self.  We experience a transformation of our consciousness at a qualitatively higher level of existence. 

This all arises from transcendent experiences, which tend to be blocked by the lifelong effects of trauma.  Traumatic experiences alter our sense of self in the stream of ongoing life experience.  The only path out is integration of the trauma in a new unity of our psyche in which our wholeness, serenity, balance, and sense of meaning are restored.

The functioning of our organism must heal on a holistic level.  This usually involves personal epiphanies and peak experiences that serve as “windows of the future” – experiences of joy, purpose, reconnection, freedom, and inner peace and calm.  Usually these are spiritual experiences.  Transformation to optimal and well-integrated states of consciousness dovetail with a journey toward psychic vitality and well-being.  This is a spiritual marathon – an enduring spiritual challenge.

Our new self has meaning, hope, attunement to ultimate values, and the capacity to simply enjoy daily life.  We have reframed the trauma.  We have redefined its meaning.  We have overcome traumatic life events and stepped into a healthy life with optimal functioning.

Resilience after trauma includes the capacity to overcome the demands posed by trauma and maintain psychological vitality and mental health.  We are back in touch with our own self-esteem, tenacity, autonomy, assertiveness, and energy to initiate and handle actions.  We cope well – with both consistency and flexibility.  We may even have a sense of humor about difficulties.  (“It’s hopeless but not serious.”)

We transform trauma into a new, integrated strength of soul and purpose.  We attain psychological well-being and we become self-actualizing. 

We are mindful of our existential freedom to create meaning through self-directed choice.  We let go of what we cannot control (and of our limits), we recognize superior forces (consistent with our worldview), and we accept and affirm our self in a profound way.

We reach a positive view of life, self, other people, and the meaning of existence.  We now have a deep capacity to generate meaning.  We have regained a locus of control over the narrative of our life. 

We appreciate beauty.  We are glad to be alive.  We are grateful for life’s opportunities. 

Last but not least, we direct new meaning into altruistic and other prosocial activity.  We emerge from our own suffering more aware of the suffering of others, and of their vulnerability and despair.  We find joy in serving others with a generosity of spirit and a generative caring.  We act from empathy and compassion.  We nurture other people and help them transform their own self. 

We appreciate the many ways that people can contribute to the world, and we find our own way.  Our sense of mission may arise from the trauma we’ve experienced.  

All along the way, we see the beauty in people’s souls.  And we know that the paramount virtue is loving and being loved.

None of this is easy. 

PTSD can be debilitating.  It can leave us irritable, angry, depressed, and numb.  We may suffer intrusive memories of the traumatic events and flashbacks to them as well as nightmares and night terrors.  We may become alienated, withdrawn, emotionally unavailable, isolated, left on the sidelines of life.  We may be shattered.  We may experience dissociation and amnesia.  Our emotions, our thinking, and our personality may all be disrupted and damaged.

The architecture of the self is altered by trauma.  Our self-structure – our personhood – can fragment, collapse, or break apart.  Our psyche is wounded, our environment seems hostile, we remain on high alert, and we can’t fit back into our relationships and community. 

We can be left empty of meaning.  We are lost in the dark – lost in an abyss.  Our previous identity disappears.  The moral universe we thought we inhabited has ceased to exist.  What we assumed to be true has proven to be false.  The narrative that gave our life meaning is disrupted.  It becomes difficult to make sense of life. 

Hideous experiences can get locked away in an antechamber.  Even people without PTSD may have secured the trauma in some kind of psychic vault – and suffer from reactive disorder without knowing it.

Toxic images and memories break in – force their way in.  Our imagination is hijacked by the traumatic events.  Our brain has learned something in the trauma and it is profoundly difficult to unlearn it.  Our amygdala becomes over-active, leaving us haunted by a sense of danger and fear for our safety.  We can be triggered, usually by a related or similar event, movement, sound, or smell.

How could trauma not leave us feeling alone, abandoned, with the inner light of our soul trapped in darkness?  How could it not leave us aware that our physical self, our identity, and the meaning of life can be reduced to nothingness? 

Of course trauma disrupts the schemas by which we process experience.  Of course our sense of personal meaning is altered for the worse.  Of course our psyche does not remain coherent and stable. 

Our expectations for other people’s good behavior have turned out to be wrong.  We lose our anchor-point for being-in-the-world.  We are so devastated that our whole previous attitude toward life breaks down.

Traumatic memories can become a massive psychic force that consumes our energy and dominates our mental and emotional life.  We have experienced the unthinkable.  We have experienced an assault on the core of our being, which is now damaged, and so our worldview and relationship with the world are damaged.  The world of our ideal is shattered.  The ordering principles of the universe elude us.  We are cut off from perceiving the world as meaningful.

And so it’s of immense value that Wilson and other professionals are pointing the way to healing: peak experiences, transcendent experiences, spiritual experiences that lead us to a new wisdom, a new awareness, and a new narrative for our life. 

We must know, deep in our bones, that no matter what, life is meaningful.  We must – we must in spite of everything, in spite of the danger, in spite of the presence of evil in the world, in spite of horrifying things that make no sense – we must say yes to life. 

We must know that trauma has made us who we are – and that there is a beauty in that.  Yes, human existence is fragile and yes, all joys are temporary – but that’s why we should appreciate life and its joys all the more.

We can consciously choose to generate meaning in a new way.  A way that includes loss, our vulnerability, human pain and suffering, life’s unfair and unjust dimension (sometimes grotesquely unfair and unjust), and even horror.  A way that includes a freshness of appreciation, a depth of gratitude, a sense of belonging in humanity, empathy, compassion, generosity, and altruistic actions.  A way that includes, beyond all else, loving and being loved.